confused...again...

life is all about choosing, about making a choice, about preferring one from all the others that are available...but which one should we choose?

of all those people who come across our lives, who shall we keep to stay around us and who shall we just let to pass by? we don't get to choose our families, but we can choose our own circle of friends, and eventually, our life-long partner.

ever since i left my country, i have been dealing with this dilemma - who shall i befriend. i no longer get to hang around those people who are as "disgusting" as i am...while i was used to have the choice to choose my friends, now, i'm more likely to be the one who's being chosen from. with the dignity of an honorable knight, i bow down to no man nor woman who are less superior than i am. however, as poor as the church mice at the same time, i can no longer hold my head and nose up to stand up to whoever that steps on my tail. what i'm saying here is, my financial status has forbid me to choose my friends as freely as before. i begin to realize that, you "got" to hang around those people with the same status. friends are no longer those people who you can share your secrets with. friends are no longer the people who you trust on at hardest times. friends are no longer the people who are there to share both your sorrows and laughters. friends are just the people that you usually go out with...where is the intimacy and trust that i felt before for my past-friends?

i feel bad for the death of Michael Jackson. this incident led me to a thought. if i were the one to die, who will weep and cry on my funeral besides my family members? i don't mean that i want a very grand funeral and notify every one of my death. but, i just want to feel missed by the persons that i loved and cared so much before...

maybe being alone here on the "island" with the largest rock in the world, has made me realize that...it is time to mate...





i mean, it is time for me to start off my own career, get established, and get into the circle of life that i want to belong to. i will now make a list of the friends that would mourn for my death instead of just feel like losing another friend to hang out with...and i hope all of you will find your true friends...