Right VS Wrong

for nearly 25 years, i've been learning to differentiate the right things from the wrong things.

and for nearly 25 years, i thought that i've been learning more and more, and i thought i've done more right things than the wrong things.

for nearly 25 years, i thought i've gotten more mature by the years, learning from the mistakes and wrong decisions that i made...

but i guess i was wrong. the world is just too big for my tiny, short, little quarter life span would teach me on how to become a decent man...

if it shall be a happy ending, then thank God, i'm still on the right track.

but if it shall be a tragic ending, then... let it be another lesson to be learnt, and may 2009 lay down joy ahead of me...

*i'm in desperate need of your wisdom, Lord. if i would to get some help, now would be the perfect time to lend me a hand here...thank you*

Definition of Beauty

"Carlotti defined beauty. He said it was the summation of the parts working together in such a way, that nothing needed to be added, taken away or altered. "

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Big Boys' Toys

ever heard of "Big Boys' Toys"? i guess it must have been a lady who invented this terminology, due to jealousy, haha. well, i think ladies have their "old ladies' toys" too, haha. use your imagination as wildly as possible, though i don't have an exact definition here, but i'm trying to lead you to somewhere...

ok, seriously, i think that this proves that there is some truth when people say that there is a child in every man's heart. come to think of it, hell yeah, it's damn true. i'm sure that all of us have certain dreams at certain stages of our lives. the dreams change as we turn older, but the fact that we will always have a dream will not change. for an example, i have always wanted to visit Japan since i was a kid. by then, i wanted to go to Japan to just grab myself a set of Nitendo. yeah, what is that compared to Play Station and Wii, but those were the days. however, my dream has changed. in my case, i still want to go to Japan, not for the electronic stuffs anymore, but for Ryoko Hirosue...

ahem. what i'm trying to say here is that, for a normal person with a healthy set of mind (effects from studying Law subjects, as nowadays, quite a lot of people think "differently" as normal people do), there will always be a dream or an aim at any stages of their lives. that is what keeps them going, like fuel for car, water for camel, money for ATM... (i hope that by bringing up money, i help you realize the importance of dreams to us as human beings.) without dream, i think you won't even bother if tomorrow is coming.

you can cut the crap with responsibilities. at the end of the day, after you are done with all the so-called responsibilities, you still have to deal with yourself, thinking of what lays ahead of you. that is the time when your dreams come creeping back to you. but most of the times, even if you still want to achieve your dream, maybe your age, or your physical limit, or you responsibilities (again) will not allow you to do so anymore. on the other hand, if you are lucky enough, you would still be able to achieve your dream. but by that time, if that is a something that you have dreamt of, then it would probably has become, as what is mentioned at the beginning of this article, Big Boys' Toys.

thus, there is no shame in having Big Boys' Toys. men have given up their own precious dreams during their youth, at the peak of their manhood, for the sake of r-e-s-p-o-n-s-i-b-i-l-i-t-i-e-s. so, what is wrong with having Big Boys' Toys when they get older, having done with their responsibilities and giving themselves a break? it is just like having a glass of Teh-Ice after a long, hard day of work, or finding a last piece of tissue in your pocket after you realize there are no toilet rolls in the toilet you're shitting in...



as a conclusion, i don't want to wait until i grow old, till i can't even bend my back anymore to own a Big Boys' Toy...


please, mum, when am i getting one of these? i can't face tomorrow anymore without it... i feel like a mosquito (female) without blood to suck all this while. my soul has turned empty and bikini chicks don't give me the sensational feeling anymore... now you realize how much damage it has done to me. please call XX 3396 8515 if there is still any sympathy left in you. it is available 24/7. thank you.

OUTPUT never equals INPUT

in my previous post, i complained that what you get is not what you worked for...i think it is very true. today, i reviewed this again from a Mathematical point of view, or rather, from an Engineer's point of view, since i did graduated as an Engineer, no point wasting my engineering's knowledge... ... ... ... okok, just let me brag about something, alright? next week is exam week, i'm feeling quite tensed here =.=

from an Engineer's point of view, in a practical case, the output will never equal to the input, simply because there is nothing in this world that works with a 100% efficiency. hence, that's it, hehe.

actually, that is just the entree for this post. today, from an incident, i discovered a reason behind the imperfect equation of input=output, that is, what you give is not the exact amount of what the other end receives. thus, no matter how much you give, you cannot demand for same amount or similar amount in return. a very typical example would be a family who runs a family business. most of the times, the parents would not have much time to spend on their children. they provide every material thing that they can afford: the best schools, the best tuition, the best cars, the latest trendy handphones, and etc. but, in the end, can they expect the children to be very obedient? obviously not.

i'm pretty sure that most of this type of parents don't get that, what they give might not be what their children want, and what they give might be not what their children need also. now, from the Contract Law's point of view, a contract exists only when one party does or provides something favorable to another party and the other party pays or do something in return. if what the parents give to their children is not what they want, then how could they expect anything in return? even the Barter System doesn't work like that, right?

sigh, i just want to stress that, apart from providing so many things which you think someone else would like, it is far more better to be at place when you are needed. what is the use for you to be able to give the whole world to me, when you can't be by my side when i needed you most? yes, all the things would make me lead a better and more comfortable life, but i can do without that, and i won't feel "terribly" unhappy without it either. on the other hand, when i need someone to be by my side, to give me support, and all that i have is myself only, what you did, everything that you did before would then mean a lot less, maybe they would even mean nothing anymore... ...

do you believe if i say that i'm practising my writing skills for my law exam next week? i have to write on average 10 full pages in about 3 hours' time. sigh, this is a bad time for exam. no mood to study at all, and it's open book test... ... studying is tough... ...

confused...

i think, i've never been more confused in my life before...

it used to be that, what you get is what you worked for. but now, is this still true? is it still true that you can get what you worked for? i'm tired...very tired. i don't know how to fit into this society anymore. it's not easy to be someone unique, someone different, as we all know, but contrary, it's not easy to be someone normal too.

since a few years ago, i've given up all my big dreams, just trying to be normal, trying to lead a nobody's life. well, normal as in, study, graduate, find job, get gf, marry, have kids, then grow old and die. i don't ask for big house, big car, big bike, big boobs..., or any luxurious things. just get it over with, get it done, get me to the end of my life... don't torture me anymore.

"with great responsibilities comes great sacrifices..." no, i don't want great sacrifices, and i don't want great responsibilites either, just...argh, fastforward... don't test my patience anymore... am i just whinning? does everyone has to go through something similar as me? is this the only way to live a life?

people tend to advice, don't try to compare all the time. am i comparing? gosh, i don't know. i'm so confused...

enough whinning... tomorrow is on its way, without any delay. better give myself a few slaps on the face and move on... and guess what, i just realized, you don't need to have great responsibilites to have great sacrifices. i think it should be "with a kind heart comes great sacrifices". nowadays, only those who try to be on the good side will have to do great sacrifices. agree?